By Alex Armbruster

    Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and asexual history is rooted in prejudice and hatred. The first Pride was not a parade but rather a riot, a demand for rights, for treatment above that of animals. Only in recent years has the community made strides towards being accepted by the mainstream culture but even now it is an uphill fight. This is why queer nostalgia is such a strange and interesting phenomenon. The nostalgia of queerness and LGBTQA history is not so much a longing for the past as something of a coping mechanism. It serves as a rewritten version of the traumatic past of the community in order to try and reclaim decades of hate and aggression as something worthy of remembering, worthy of celebration. Queer nostalgia is a rewritten, recalled, and reclaimed form of nostalgia, one that first works to identify the erasure of queer identities of the past, then focuses on gathering the stories of those who have survived to this point, and then takes this past as its own. It is a retelling of a new past and the old past all in one.

    The use of nostalgia in the queer community is one of healing. The history of this community is notoriously one of discrimination and tragedy. Queer nostalgia works in a way to push beyond  this past. Tamara Lang's article "The Demand to Progress: Critical Nostalgia in LGBTQ Cultural Memory" discusses the notion that while representing the tragic histories of the community is important, it is necessary to push "positive aspects of the past [...] to support a vision of the present in which sexual rights and freedoms have been achieved" (Lang). Nostalgia in this situation is specifically used to help create an easier path for the community in the present, to help facilitate the growth and expansion of rights that was always hoped for; it is something of a way to set an example for those outside of the community of what the norm should be. It lives directly in the heart of LGBTQA individuals. Queer nostalgia functions similarly to how nostalgia regarding pop culture functions. At its core, nostalgia can resonate with a group that was there to experience the initial moment, when it was simply the here and now rather than something to look back at fondly. Similarly, queer nostalgia makes sense within the community but from the outside looking in, the lines and history are easily obscured. It is a type of an inside joke; you have to be a part of the group to get it. A clear example of this is the concept of campiness. Camp is an aesthetic and style of behavior focused on overemphasis, artifice, and a sense of cheesiness for cheesiness' sake, that, though it still exists today, was particularly prevalent in the 1960s and 70s. It was often regarded as a "private code, a badge of identity even, among small urban cliques," (Sontag). It was a way to identify oneself as a member of the LGBTQA community without explicitly stating such. This was not meant to be an identifier to those outside of the community; it was merely a way to communicate within it.

    Queer nostalgia begins with a reconstruction of queer history. This is seen in many forms. In its most pure form, we see this kind of "reconstruction" laid out in Proud Heritage: People, Issues, and Documents of the LGBT Experience by Chuck Stewart. This collection documents how throughout history, due to social, religious, and political stigmas, most LGBTQA individuals lived covertly. Perhaps most famously, the sexual orientation of Sally Ride, the first woman in space, was not discovered until after her death, when it was mentioned only briefly in her obituary. Another example is Emily Dickinson, whose love letters to her sister in law, discovered posthumously, are frequently seen as just friendly letters, or an extension of the quirkiness that is so often attributed to her. The reconstruction and rewriting of queer history leads to history being perceived as simply the result of great accomplishments heralded only by straight, cisgendered people. Stewart's book works to counter the straightwashing filter on history by bringing into focus famous individuals who most likely had to hide their queerness in one way or another, and in doing so, highlight the contributions that LGBTQA people have made to history.

    Similarly, Elisabeth Windle discusses in her dissertation, "Pleasure in the Past: Queer Nostalgia in the Gay American Century", the act of reflecting on this queer history. While queer history is filled with stunning accomplishments and historical figures, the mainstream culture is one filled with effemiphobia and gay panic. Effemiphobia refers to the rejection, fear, or hatred of an individual who embraces being feminine and acting to the social standard of being womanly. It is most commonly a rejection of boys embracing femininity, but there is a history of femininity being looked down upon regardless of gender. Homosexual panic is a term coined by psychiatrist Edward J. Kempf in 1920 for a condition of "panic due to the pressure of uncontrollable perverse sexual cravings" (Kempf, 477). The idea that homosexuality and non masculine behaviors are "perverse" and "unnatural" has been rooted through queer history and still is to this day. This leads Windle to ask, "What if the supposedly 'bad' gay past is felt to be in fact 'better' in some respects—less unforgiving, less programmatic—than the supposedly "good" gay present?" She delves deeper, examining how a focus on the incremental pieces of the past and the few tangible moments of joy helps alleviate stress for the community trying to exist today. Rather than it being a constant uphill battle, there is a pleasant past to look back and admire and build on top of. She examines how learning that Walt Whitman was a gay or bisexual man allowed the LGBTQA community to be "gathered in shared pride, recognition, and a progressive version of queer history."

    Gilad Padva expands on this idea in his book Queer Nostalgia in Cinema and Pop Culture. He explains that queer nostalgia "is not about an appropriation of a given heteronormative nostalgia, but rather, it highlights the need for joyful recall and therapeutic recollection of queer personal and communal experiences" (Padva, 230). Once again, this act of nostalgia is one of healing and growing. While it may start as an act of reclaiming the past, it quickly morphs into one of celebration, of trying to find the joy in a history of death and loss. This nostalgia can be rather therapeutic for queer individuals recalling their past.

    This recollection can be seen in Joe Brainard's book I Remember and his art piece If Nancy Knew What Wearing Green and Yellow On Thursday Meant. The book, I Remember details Brainard’s childhood and young adulthood, and although Brainard grew up in a time when being a gay man was explicitly taboo, the book recalls that part of his life through the lens of rose-colored glasses. The book features childhood crushes and first sexual awakenings that Brainard spoke of casually, making a point to normalize these stories and memories. For example, Brainard writes:

I remember having a big crush on this guy, and fantasies of dropping everything and     going away with him somewhere (like maybe sunny California) and starting a whole new     life together. Only unfortunately, he didn't have a crush on me. (151)

In a similar fashion, If Nancy Knew What Wearing Green and Yellow On Thursday Meant features a reworked Nancy comic that specifically showcases Nancy wearing green and yellow clothing. The writing below her is the same as the title and alludes to a trend mentioned in Brainard's book, where, during his childhood, wearing green and yellow on a Thursday was a sign to others that one was gay. The use of Nancy, smiling pleasantly, happy and bright, further develops this idea of rewritten, recalled, and reclaimed history. A pop culture icon is reused to embrace queer culture. Nancy's place as a queer icon exists because of the pure and simplistic nature of the comic series. There is no drama or trouble in a Nancy comic, just Nancy eating ice cream and loving herself. It is this atmosphere of self-love and childlike freedom that the LGBTQA strives and deserves to live in.

    This embracing of queer culture through the use of queer nostalgia is what, as previously mentioned, lays the groundwork for the present-day community. Painting the past with a sense of lightness allows there to be an embodiment of this continued pleasure. This can be seen throughout content made by LGBTQA creators today. One example is the Youtube series The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo. This series encompasses that sense of normalization and even campiness that queer nostalgia works to create. The series simply follows the life of a gay man, making jokes about the queer community for the queer community. It is a celebration of the present of LGBTQA culture, rather than something that dwells on the history of the community. It exists to entertain specifically within the LGBTQA community.

Queer nostalgia, something built on looking backwards, functions entirely as a way to look forward and build a brighter future. This revision of the past helps the current community heal and push forward. It acknowledges the history of prejudice and isolation but works as a stepping stone for those still facing it. It is an acceptance of the past of pain and an acceptance of the future of work for the purpose of healing.

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